My story, part 2

The easy beginning to part 2 would be to say... And then Jesus. It would be easy to say my entire life completely changed because of Jesus. Unfortunately, that is not true. My life did change but it changed because of my beliefs. Truth and lies have shaped my life. My beliefs has shaped my thoughts and actions. As I look back without distorted lenses I have a clear and accurate view of events. My life has continued to change as my beliefs and my understanding of God has evolved.

During a difficult time in my second year of marriage, my brother Michael came to visit. He told me that the Jesus we learned about wasn’t dead on the cross but alive. He told me I needed to accept Him and confess Him as Lord and that Jesus would come into my heart. I believed him. I trusted him. I did exactly what I was told to do. I was then informed that I was saved. My brother Michael was instrumental in my response that day because I listened to my brothers. I trusted them. I can honestly say that there isn’t any other person that I would have heard that day. Honestly, Michael didn’t say much.

However, in truth I now realize that my acceptance and acknowledgement of Jesus is futile because God is regardless of my acceptance or acknowledgement. Here’s an example: I am currently looking out the window. There are clouds in the sky. My acceptance and/or acknowledgement of them is of no consequence, they exist despite me. Just like my acceptance and acknowledgement to Jesus existence and deity is of no consequence. He is God regardless of my confession to His existence. Every person on earth is alive and breathing because of God’s existence. However, God did reveal Himself to me that day. I was at a place in my life where I wanted – no, I needed to know Him and if He was indeed real. Real meaning that He was more than that figure hanging on the cross at church, more than the heartfelt songs of His great salvation and telling of His goodness and more than words some preacher said. God revealed Himself to me inside of me through illumination. It was like a light was turned on where there was darkness. In a moment of time I knew without doubt not only was He real but that He is alive. My mind and body were aware and responsive but devoid of understanding. However, my spirit was awakened inside of me. I believe that God is in every person. Perhaps the born-again experience is the awakening of His Spirit within.

It’s imperative to say that my awakening had more to do with my readiness than God’s willingness. God is always revealing Himself. We are not always willing to recognize or acknowledge Him. We have concepts and notions within us that limit us and what we acknowledge is God. This is evidenced by the fact that we continue to practice religious activities that we are quite aware have absolutely no value other than the appeasing our ourselves.

I now understand that God knew me. He alone knows our hearts. He was aware that I was smoking weed and writing letters to Him. I know that every cry I made was heard and every question is still being answered. Still being answered because I learn and grow as I comprehend knowing that God is not withholding anything from me. I was just unaware. I was in darkness. Or rather darkness was inside of me.

God wasn’t waiting for some appointed time for me to accept Him. I believe the revelation David had of God when he said that God withholds no good thing from those that walk uprightly. David spoke of the character of God being good, not the requirement of man to behave in a certain manner to receive favor from God. When I got to the point where I truly wanted to know God, who is all and all, He revealed Himself.

Shortly after Michael’s visit, we moved to Oceanside to live near him and to be with other Christians. We started a church or at least that is what I thought we were doing at the time. If you’re interested in that part of the story you can find it by following this hyperlink tohttp://hiswordsareinred.blogspot.com/…/my-testimony-of-dark…