There are many books about grief. There are many books about life. But it seems dying is a subject that most would choose to deal with only as necessary. As a teenage girl I remember my Maw-Maw telling me her specific desires for her passing. Literally the moment she began to express her wishes I stopped her saying don’t talk about that. In my young mind I thought she was being morbid. My youth couldn’t understand her expressed knowledge of the inevitable. I regret not listening mostly because I could have learned how one walks through life knowing that it will lead to death.
We tell ourselves many things to cope with our impending demise. Many use various beliefs to comfort themselves. Today I choose to not address the inaccuracy of some of these faiths. Instead I want to share how I’ve chosen to deal with death. Having lost a parent as a girl of 16 I learned early on that life on earth doesn’t last forever. Life can end abruptly without notice. Life can end slowly and sometimes painfully. However, we never seem prepared for death regardless of how it comes.
I deal with death in how I live daily. I attempt to be present and mindful that my interactions are reflective of my true feelings. I tell those that I love that I do and I do it often. I ask myself continuously throughout my interactions can you live with yourself in peace if this is your last time seeing/speaking with that person. The simple golden rule, “treat others the way you want to be treated” is a bit deeper to me. I can treat someone appropriately while hiding how I really feel. I would not be at peace with myself even if the person walked away unaware. For me self examination and truth lead to understanding and acknowledgement. Through acknowledgement I can change as necessary to have peace.
I’ve grown to a place where my love, care or consideration given doesn’t need to be reciprocated. My walk is not about or for others. It’s about me. It’s not about what a good Christian I am or what is required of me. I am not trying to be an example of Christ. I live because God lives in me and His love is shed abroad in my heart.
I feel no obligation to say what is expected, accepted or polite to ease the uncomfortable subject of death. Ultimately truth is what makes us free. Without liberty there is no peace regardless of what we tell ourselves. Therefore I despise the ungenuine antics of religion and misplaced conformity.
I told my best friend that when I die not to allow people to tell my children how much they loved me when they refuse to acknowledge my presence while I was alive. She said, you’ll be dead the funeral is for the living not dead. Of course she’s right. Life is for the living. We should be mindful of how we live so that when (not if) we encounter death we can continue living in peace.
Peace be with you all today.
“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.”
