Reflection of my journey as a Christian (thus far)

I remember so clearly the joy I experienced in becoming born again. I still feel inadequate in describing the sense of knowing inside of me that I was forgiven, accepted, loved and that God gave me access to Him through Jesus. I could know Him, He would be my God and I would be His.

Immediately I joined myself to an organization I thought was church. I eagerly and perhaps with more zeal than most embraced the doctrines taught to prove to myself to God and to the world that I was different. I had changed. (And I did indeed change) Interestingly being in the midst of the organization and even a leader I now realize none of it made me “Christ-like”. In fact that knowing inside of me was replaced with a different kind of knowledge and acceptance. I received knowledge and acknowledgement from men. At the time I wholeheartedly thought that I was righteous.

I remember my thoughts of the world. Which was simply they need to be saved. Other than that the people of world were of no value to me. My thoughts of anyone that didn’t agree with our doctrines was they were fools, unbelievers, sinners and the ungodly. I was surrounded by those that were like minded and I believed we practiced the will of God. In truth my mind was set on a course that I believed was right. It was really easy to disregard anything that didn’t fit within my mindset. Oh, how very wrong I was!

I remember how I thought I knew so much and I actually couldn’t understand why the people of the world, sinners and/or the ungodly didn’t knock down the doors of our church and beg God for forgiveness. I actually thought my righteousness was light to the people I thought were in darkness and didn’t understand why they couldn’t see it. I never considered that the light within me was darkness (not knowing).

I thought I had so much power. I prophesied and saw the hearts of men revealed. I sang songs of the Lord that made grown men kneel before the altar. I laid my hands on the sick and they recovered. Miracles were worked at my hands. Although I have never spoken of them I tell you now that there was a sense of pride inside of me that God did these things through me. Even now there are those that attempt to emulate what they saw of me and I am ashamed. I am ashamed not because God is good and worked these works at my hand. I am ashamed that others apparently did not see Christ in me and that I too gloried in man. Me being the man as well as I glorified other men.

Today God has revealed more of Himself to me. Ironically the more I know of Him the less I feel I know of Him. The more wisdom I’ve gained the more sorrow I retain. I see  the arrogance and pride of many Christians clearly because He revealed it in me. I know it, sadly it is familiar to me.

We in error use scriptures as a whip to the beat world. Yet, God so loved the world that He gave His only….begotten son. We sit in judgement of the lost. Jesus told us the parable of the man that left the ninetynine and went after the one lost sheep. Jesus said that the Son of Man came to seek and save that which was lost. We have no compassion for the sick or afflicted  if the sickness/affliction is not appropriate in our eyes. Jesus said, it’s not the healthy that need a physician but the sick.  

Perhaps it is we Christians that need Jesus. We apparently are the ones that are blind (can't see ourselves) lamed (can't walk) and sick/afflicted. We are afflicted by self-righteousness and sick with pride.  However, I now understand even this must be revealed by God to and in each of us. As He did with me.  

As I reflect on my journey thus far I am cautious to remember the wisdom of Solomon when he instructed to guard our own hearts with all diligence. I am continuously made aware by His Spirit of the wickedness that lives within my heart.

 

To the world I say, I too was in the world and God's love was given for you and I through Jesus. Whoever calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved. God is true. I have no judgement for the lost other than to say, I too was lost and God found me. Hope in God!  To the church I say, I know you by your fruit. Many claim to be His, but the fruit of your life demonstrates otherwise. If you are indeed His this would not be so. Repent which is simply to change your mind and therefore your deeds and have times of refreshment from the presence of the Lord within you. I can attest to rest and strength that comes from true repentance.

I am committed to acknowledging when I am wrong in error or in darkness (not knowing) so that I may be enlighten and walk in newness of life. This is a reflection of my journey thus far. I was in darkness and the light of my Lord Jesus shined in me and He set me free. In our acknowledgment of our sin (missing the mark) then and only then will we  know Jesus or will anyone see the light of Jesus that lives within us.

I pray these words cause you to consider yourself and perhaps God will reveal Himself to you. Be of good courage brethren God is faithful and just!